Sex and Marriage in Islam
1 Basis Theory
1.1 Definition of Marriage
Marriage in religious terms is called marriage, is the Indonesian daily called the ceremony of the words of the covenant and marriage.
Marriage means a marriage contract and the covenant means. Thus, the ceremony is sacred covenant to commit themselves in marriage between a woman with a man to form a happy family and eternal (everlasting).
The word marriage is composed of the letters nun, kaf, alif, ha 'to give a meaning:
a. Nun means naumun nikmatun (sleeping a pleasure)
b. Kaf means kamilatun (perfect)
c. Alif means ulfatun (affection)
d. Ha 'means hikmatun (berfaidah)
1. According to Imam Hanafi original meaning of marriage is a sexual relationship, but according to the meaning majazi / law is the covenant (agreement) which makes lawful sexual relations between men and women.
2. Meanwhile, according to Imam Shafi'i understanding of marriage is a covenant through which a legitimate sexual relations between men and women while according to the meaning of marriage is majazi sexual relations.
3. Prof. Dr. Hazairin, SH in his book Law of National familial say that marriage is the core of sexual relationships, according to him there is no marriage where there is no sexual relationship between husband and wife, then there should be no waiting period (iddah) ex-wife married again with another man .
4. According to the law No. 1 of 1947 (art. 1) marriage is the inner and outer bond between a man with one woman as husband and wife in order to establish a family (household), a happy and everlasting based GOD THE ALMIGHTY.
From the above pengetian there are differences of opinion about the formulation of the marriage, but of all the formulas presented there is one common element of all opinions, namely that marriage is a covenant commitment between a man and a woman. Agreement here is not just any agreement but the agreement referred to here is a sacred covenant to form a family of a man and a woman.
5. Understanding marriage according to Islamic law is a compilation of the marriage, which is a very strong covenant or mitsaqan gholizhan to obey God and do the worship. And aims to make home life vegas, mawaddah and mercy.
In his book "Outline of Muhammad's Law" (the main points of Islamic law), AA Fyzee principle explains that the marriage was according to the Islamic view contains 3 (three) aspects, namely legal aspects, social aspects, religious aspects.
Viewed from the legal aspect is perkwinan is an agreement, in harmony with the Word of God in the letter of An-Nisa: 21
It means: How are you going to take it back, yet some of you have been hanging out (mixed) with the other as husband and wife. and they (wife-wives) have taken from you a strong covenant (marriage) from you.

Marriage is a very strong agreement called mitsaqan words gholizhan.
The reason for saying that marriage is a covenant is because of:
a. How to hold the bonds of marriage has been arranged in advance of the ceremony and get along or on certain conditions.
b. How to describe or decide the marriage bond has also been previously arranged with the divorce procedure, the possibility fasakh, syiqaq and so on.
Agreement in marriage has three special characters are:
1. Marriage can not be done without the voluntary element of both parties.
2. Both parties are bound to each other wedding agreement has the right to decide the agreement based on provisions of existing laws.
3. Approval of marriages that regulate the legal limits on the rights and obligations of each party
Viewed from the social aspects of marriage has an important meaning, namely:
1. Viewed from a general assessment, the general opinion that people who do have a position that marriage is more respected than those who are not married.
2. Before the rules about marriage, women can dimadu without limit and without being able to do anything, but according to Islamic teachings about marriage in polygamous marriages are only limited at most four people, and even then with the conditions given, too. As word of Allah SWT An Nisa: 3
This means: And if you fear you will not be able to apply justice to (the rights) of women who orphans (if you marry her), then marry women (others) that you like: two, three or four. then if you fear you will not be able to apply fair. Then (marry) only one, or the slaves which ye possess. so it is closer to not do torture.

In terms of religion marriage is a very important aspect. In the religious marriage was regarded as a sacred institution, where both sides are connected to the spouse or each spouse asking to be using the name of God, God's word An-Nisa letter: 1
It means: O mankind, fear your Lord who created you from a single (adam), and God created the partner (air), and of the God He scattered through both men and women that much. and fear Allah, that with (use) his name you ask each other one another, and (guard) Silaturrahim relationship. For Allah ever watches over you.
Destination wedding
a. To obtain legitimate descendants in the hope that the earth is vibrant with mankind. The Prophet said:
تناكحوا تناسلوا تكاثروا فان مياه بكم الامم يوم القيامه
Meaning: Nikahlah, berbanyak-berketurunanlah and multiply, I'm really proud of you on the Day of Resurrection. (Narrated by Bukhari, Muslim)
b. To meet the demands instinctive / lavatory human nature. Because God created man in sex different types of male and female types. It is the nature of that between the two types of resources that contains mutually attracted. Islampun religion also recognizes that there is a sense of passion between women and men mutually.
In harmony with God's word which means:
Means: Permitted to you on the night mingling with the fasting month of wives you: they are garments for you, and ye also are their garments.
[To keep people from evil and destruction.
c. To establish and manage a large household on the basis of love and affection.
d. To foster activities in trying to find a halal sustenance and increase a sense of responsibility.
e. To establish a happy family based on the eternal belief in one God. This means that the marriage was: (1) for a lifetime, (2) divorce necessary conditions are tight and the last road, (3) husband and wife helped to develop themselves.
Benefits of marriage:
a. Protect yourself from satan and relieve persuasion turmoil lust, because lust is raging wild is difficult to control by reason or religion.
b. Comforting the soul and cleanse the liver by joking with his wife so much hope that will calm the hearts of worship.
c. Train fight lust with fulfilling the rights and duties in the household and serious in care.
d. Coaching a leader, independent, and efficient so that life will be much more significant than before marriage.
2.2 Definition of Sexual
Sex is a psychic energy, which contributed to human beings to act not only in the field of sex act alone, that is, doing sexual relations or sexual intercourse, but is also involved non-sexual activities. For example only in the field of scientific achievement. Sex is the motivation or incentive to act / behave. As Freud, a scholar of psychoanalysis, called the Seksualis Libido (Libido = life force, lust erotic).
Sex is one mechanism for humans to be able to hold a descendant, therefore sex is a vital mechanism by which human beings once perpetuating its kind. Sexuality is defined as men and women are different (and similar) to each other, physically, psychologically, and in terms of behavior: activity, feelings, and attitudes associated with reproduksi.Bagaimana men and women interact in pairs and in the group.
In simple language, sexuality is how people feel and express the basic nature and characteristic of specific sexual.
Sexual relations between two different sexes nature and type (between a man with a woman) is called Hetro sexual relationship. If carried out between the two sexes are referred to as Homosexuals.
Among lust or desire is the love of the opposite sex, the sex drive. Aligned with al-qur'an verses that affirm the existence of this drive. Allah says in the letter Ali Imran: 14
It means: be nice to (view) of human devotion to what is desired, it is: the women, children, property that many of the types of gold, silver, horses, cattle and rice fields. That the pleasures of life on earth, and Allah is a fine return (heaven).
Followed by a paragraph that is consistent also in the letter of An-Nisa: 28
weak.
This verse set of human weakness and the seriousness of his efforts to face the strong sexual drive. Mentioned in Tabari tafsie from Ikrimah and Mujahid that they said about the meaning of the word of God "and man was created weak" man really can not wait (can not stand) against women.
Objectively speaking, the Islamic conception of sexuality is formatted in scripture and al-qur'an al-Hadith is a''blueprint "that menjadika sexuality as a sacred entity bermatra transcendental bermatra and profane. Bermatra said that construction of the transcendental holy sexuality formed Islam does not only define sexuality as a secular entity, or an activity of daily living bermakan only in the context of social life, empirical, but also conceived as an entity attached to the divine values.
Sexual irregularities (sexsual perversion) that includes sexual behavior or sexual fantasies directed at achieving orgaisme through relationships outside heterosexual intercourse, with the same sex or with a partner who has not grown, and contrary to the norms of sexual behavior in a society that can be generally accepted. The normal sexual relationship that contains the following terms:
a. Relationship is not cause-effect adverse effects, either for himself or for his partner.
b. Not cause psychic conflicts, and not be coercion or rape.
In Islam, sex position (in legal wedlock) is very high and respected. As the hadith which means "Two rokaat prayer founded by a married person is better than in waking (prayer) at night and fasting (during the day) people who are not married.

2.2.1 Sexual Dysfunction
2.2.1.1 sexual impotence and frigidity
sexual impotence and frigidity is a sexual disorder associated with defects or deficiencies in the desire to achieve sexual gratification of men and women. In impotent men, the ability of corrections so as not to interfere allow for the insertion of the penis in the vagina during sexual intercourse. While frigidity is the lack of ability to obtain erotic stimulation in women during sexual intercourse occurred. In the many ways it seems frigid women seemed to have no appetite at all and also seemed unable to feel any satisfaction gained from coitus is happening, but this does not mean that these groups do not want some satisfaction. Frigid itself has since musababnya.
The causes of impotence
a) The fear associated with the possibility of injuring yourself during sexual relations occurred
b) Lack of emotional closeness with sexual partners
c) There may homosexual tendencies
d) Disturbance of defects in the genitals
e) excessive lust Pengumbaran
f) Disturbance-hormonal disorders
The causes of frigidity
a) Lack of love between husband and wife
b) The occurrence of an awkward stance on one side or both that do not occur there in absolute harmony.
c) c.. Spasms in vaginal muscles.
d) The atmosphere of the room conditions that do not meet or mixed with a lot of people in the house.
e) Fear of pregnancy
f) attitude and abusive spouse less acceptable by the patient frigidity
g) tendency latent lesbianism or indeed the patient is a lesbian.
2.2.1.2 Satyriasis and Nymphomania
Satyriasis a condition of excessive sexual activity in men. While Nymphomania is excessive sexual activity in women. These patients experienced intense sexual desire and urge that the frequency exceeds the natural limits in everyday life and making sexual problems as a center of activity.
The cause of both types of sexual dysfunction are as follows:
a. Sexual activity is a fugitive daripermasalahan-problems that can not be resolved
b. Compensation from the state of frustration
c. Patient efforts to strengthen the feeling maskulinitasdan fiminimitas levels that have not evolved in him optimally.
2.2.2 Sexual Deviation
Which includes sexual deviation include rape, incest, homosexuality, transvestitism, Pedophilia, Zoophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, fetishism, necrophilia, sadism, machochism.
Rape is sexual behavior that has sexual objects in the rape occurred within the scope of anti-sexual condition, occurs on the basis of an element of coercion that the aggressiveness of the person who has a personality filled with hatred. While the causes of rape behavior is a failure in the development of moral values that adikuat and low sex drive control in and encouragement of hatred.
Incest is sexual response is established by couples who have strong family ties. Incest is common in those who lack a broad view.
Homosexuality and transvestitism is a condition of the patient has a sexual erotic attraction toward the same sex, as well as in patients transvestitism. While both are among other causes, sexual experience when the patient had made a sexual object by one adult same-sex, family upbringing crave that girls dressing boys as girls, a close identification with parents of different sexes, boys man to his mother.
Pedophilia sexual reaction which the object is children under age. Those who contract the disease is generally a quiet person and have low self-esteem to have sex with adult groups for fear dicemoh and humiliated.
Zoophilia is a sexual deviation that makes the animal as an object satisfying sexual urge. Kondidi This may be caused by the patient's mind is dominated by patterns of sexual relations with animals, reflecting a fear and lack of power to approach the other gender, capacity constraints in dealing with the social environment in general and in particular gender.
Exhibitionism is a sexual deviation is marked by the achievement of sexual pleasure by way of exposing genitals to a group of people or groups of people is greater. While the causes include: people with a strong tendency toward the belief that masturbation is sinful, so make masturbation as part of non-genital oxidation into a single activity, oksibisionis people usually experience feelings of inferiority and insecurity and inadekuat in social relations, in general the excitation of the audience where patients exhibited devices became kelaminya amplifier factor for recurrent certain eksibi behavior.
Voyeurism is peer behavior as a way to obtain sexual gratification. The cause of voyeurism among others; adekuatan lack of relationship with the opposite sex and curiosity of a very dominating him about sexual activity, breathing psychological trauma of the other sex treatment that adds a sense of cadres lack confidence
Fetishism patient has sexual interest associated with the living body parts such as women's hair or dead objects like women's underwear that sexual satisfaction ranged eksistansi to kiss, play, or to taste these things. While the causes are; deficiency adjust to the wide circle, individual orientation for interested only in certain body parts. But it is clear that this habit is the result of childhood or youth who left a deep impression. This impression will arise when she suddenly discovered what a pleasure.
Necrophilia is a condition that sufferers can get her sexual satisfaction with sexual relationship with a woman's body. Can sometimes be fierce cannibals by nature, namely by acting eating, sometimes being preyed on people who enjoys the killing without reason to itikat to have the body.
Sadism and machochism will get sexual gratification through the screams and shouts partner who suffered from physical abuse done during sexual intercourse. In general sadism patient is male, under pain by beating male partner, while women get the opportunity to partner experienced sexual satisfaction or pleasure. Repetition of the experiences of women will develop male partner suffered machochism sadism. While the cause of other common childhood physical punishment in parenting their parents, these conditions lead to the development of hostility, anger and rejection of intense self-made person in his adult life has a trend to wreak revenge in the past. Are in the same period while torturing people gets sexual stimulation, a villain is usually looked at sex as a sinful, so by giving the blows and torture sexual partner so that he feels reducing sexual sin, sadism sexual behavior could be part of the picture associated with psychopathology lack of moral control and social ethics.
2.2.3 Causes of sexual dissatisfaction
Did not get sexual satisfaction in marital relationship, this situation can result in one of them seek sexual satisfaction from someone else. Did not get sexual satisfaction in the marital relationship may occur because:
a. Frigidity or impotens happens to one partner, and the lack of correspondence between the two in sexual intercourse.
b. The dispute between husband and wife are not sustainable and the possibility for them to do a divorce.
c. Lack of insight into one of his partners in sexual intercourse.
2.3 Definition of Divorce
Basically aims to marriage is forever, but sometimes there are certain causes that lead to marriage can not be passed on so it should be decided in the middle of the street or forced to drop out by itself, or in other words the event of a divorce between husband and wife.
According to Islamic law, divorce is like a painful surgery, a healthy human reason to hold the pain of his wounds, he was even able to be amputated to save the other body parts that are not exposed to injury or infection more severe. If the dispute between husband and wife are also not abated and reconcile (reconcile) can not be taken, then the divorce is the way "painful" that must be lived. That is the reason why, if not getting back, then divorce is taken.
Divorce in terms of fiqh expert called "divorce" or "furqoh" But as to the meaning of divorce is untied to cancel the agreement.
The breakup is the end of marriage is that marriage has been nurtured by married couples, which is caused by several things such as death, divorce and the court's decision.
2.3.1 The reasons for divorce according to Law
about the reasons for divorce, the marriage law in general only manage to do that is that the divorce should be enough reason that between husband and wife were not going to be living in harmony as husband and wife (article 34 paragraph 2 of Law of marriage). PP No.9 in the year 1975 Article 14 dinyataka the things that lead to reasons as follows:
a) either party commit adultery or become alcoholic, junkie, a gambler and others are difficult to cure.
b) Either party to leave the other party for 2 consecutive years running the other party without permission and without a legitimate reason or because of things beyond his ability.
c) Either party to get a prison sentence of 5 (five) years or a more severe punishment after the marriage took place.
d) Either party to the weight of cruelty or mistreatment endangering others.
e) One of the bodies have disabilities or diseases with the result that can not perform his duty as husband and wife.
f) Between husband and wife continued disputes and quarrels occur and there is no hope of living in harmony in the household again.
Viewed from Article 116, there are additional two causes of divorce compared with Article 14 of Regulation 9 of 1975 violated the husband divorces attachment and an apostate. This additional relatively important because previously there.
Divorce reasons above are limitatif (limited to what is mentioned Act only) and besides that it should be no reason as mentioned in Article 39 paragraph 2 Uup, it is clear to us that the Act is very difficult for the divorce. Moreover, the divorce procedure, should be through a court of competent jurisdiction and before the judge decide the divorce case he was first held perbagai peace efforts between husband and wife were both conducted themselves and help others.
With these conditions, then the divorce can not be done arbitrarily by one party and the couple divorced when they will first be tested and checked, whether the divorce could be justified by the law or not. This provision is part of the demands of Indonesian women, who see the practices of divorce before the marriage law. While in the determination of the divorce process is the authority of the judicial institution.
Therefore, it is hoped that the judge may assume major responsibilities with a high awareness of the soul and objectives set forth in the Act on marriage and the expectations of society in general.
2.3.2 Reasons for divorce according to Islamic law
Permissibility ask for a divorce or divorces were outlined in Islamic jurisprudence as expressed in the books of fiqh kitap reads:
وترد المرأة بخمسة عيوب: با الجنون والجدام والبرص والترتق والقرن. ويرد الررجل أيضا بخمسة عيوب بالجنون والجد والبرص والجب والعنة
"A wife should be returned (divorced) since suffered five things; madness, leprosy, supak diseased, clogged bone genitals or genitals clogged meat"
Similarly the wife was allowed to ask for a divorce if her husband had five points, namely; crazy, leper, diseased supak, bunting or genitals impotent.
وان وجدت المرأة زوجها وجنونا اومجذووما اوابرص او مجيوبا أوعتينا ثبت لها الجيار
"If a wife was real to her that her husband suffered from mad, or sick from leprosy impotent, it must choose between marriage or decide memfasakh.
Conditions fiqhiyah is a very humane solution, as a noble religion, Islam does not want the owner to live miserable. We can imagine how miserable a husband whose wife does not provide sexual services. Vice versa, then the provisions of these fiqhiyah husband will not suffer long. He could soon be allowed to end his suffering due to divorce his wife who is unable to provide that service, and then can marry another woman normal. In contrast to the wife whose husband was not able to perform intercourse, he can ask for a divorce.
Allowed to get divorced because one of the couples are not able to do this intercourse, thus further strengthening the essential assumption of the existence of sex persuami-istrian. Sexual relations is the absolute core of marriage must be conducted properly.
The jurists disagreed on this issue, there is the opinion of a marriage can not be canceled because of a defect, although somehow defective. Among these is the opinion of David and the priest priests Ibn Hazm. As for the scholars who argue about the defects that can cancel the marriage, among others. Imam Abu Hanifah said that kelaminya stump and impotence, according to Imam Malik and Imam Shafii menembahkan other defects in the form of crazy, pock, leprosy, and small genitals. Imam Ahmad whereas defects other than that mentioned by the three priests at the top adds to hate.
As for the reasons others are:
a. Because the husband's inability to give a living, which is sufficient for clothing, food, shelter, and health care necessary for life. If the wife can not accept this situation, then he can ask her husband to divorce her, while his wife was unable to accept it, to divorce court.
b. Because of abusive husbands, for example, likes to hit, to protect the interests and safety of his wife, at the request of the court concerned the right to divorce her.
c. Since the departure of the husband in a relatively long time, there never was at home, even priests Malik did not distinguish whether the departure was in search of science, business, or for other reasons. If the wife can not accept the situation and felt disadvantaged, who divorced her court. How long the size of each community or country can make their own limits through legislation.
d. Husband in custody status or in a cage. If the wife can not accept the situation, then the law, he can ask the court for the divorce problem.
If the demands of the wife's divorce through the court must, while the same demands from the husband handled enough because if he divorced his wife, dipikulkan post-divorce maintenance burden. As stated in the Qur'an sura al-Baqarah: 241
Meaning: To the women who were divorced (should be given by her husband) according to the ma'ruf mut'ah, as an obligation for those who fear Allah.
2.3.3 Causes of divorce
Damage to a marriage means also the destruction of a family structure. In general, the destruction of the family structure is because the foundations and pillars already fragile from the start. If the pillars of a broken family structure is not impossible to happen divorce.
So if a family structure is no longer functioning, there is no other option better than divorce. What is not functional sexual function, reproduction (pelanjut descent), economics, protection, education, and especially religion. If the divorce is considered as the best option, seyognyalah divorce was done well, do not need to be accompanied by efforts to find fault with other people, let alone accuse each other. Although Islam does not justify a divorce without cause.
The causes of divorce among others:
1. Economic crisis
Sumi-wife pair, when the household enters the world with dreams and hope. They plan to build a prosperous household in a magnificent palace. With compassion and love. By forming a family institution wishing to form the economic needs can be satisfied by her husband. Apparently there are also a number of husbands who fail to provide for family living. As a result household necessities are not met, their economic lives more and more severe, then divorced her husband for not being able to bear the burden or maybe vice versa, the wife asked for a divorce to her husband and decided to return to his parents.
2. Politics, culture, customs and ideology
The difference between political belief and faith life (religion) to cause significant damage to the vulnerable and the family structure. Religious differences may have no direct impact on the divorce, but it begins with the family functions as tercabutnya religious units, a moderate stance on the issue of aqidah making shaky foundations of family structure and problems that appear more complex. Kompeksitas result that can affect the family unit.
3. Morality or moral
Tercabutnya moral values in a family makes all the elements in a racing family structure in the appetite, loss of control is also God, because without God's love all people tend to be frightened slaves of lust. Life is characterized by the urge of lust lust give birth cracked personality. Husband and wife and even children to sexual abuse.
Morality or a moral crisis is now the biggest cause of damage to a family structure. Is the moral damage that occurs to one side or both.
4. Biological or health condition
Function of sex in the family structure has a very important function, because the distribution of the sex instinct has a dual purpose, namely; purpose of procreation (continuation descent), the expression of love and a physical and spiritual pleasure. Therefore if someone disturbed biological functions, such as health problems.